So, Your Back Again Eh Dad!

Posted: July 30, 2013 in LIFE
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Jaxen and Dad

By Jason Sutcliffe

My wife and I have a 4-½ month old son named Jaxen and nothing makes me happier then when I get to spend time with him. My wife coaches kids soccer and has a practice and a game every week, and during this time I have the pleasure of spending a little alone time with my boy. I appreciate this time very much, but I cannot say the same for him.

He is so angelic in the hours and minutes leading up to our time together; he laughs and smiles, playing around in his exer-saucer and then my wife feeds him after 10 or 15 minutes he falls asleep, she kisses him on the head, and lies him down for a nap, he looks so peaceful, my wife gives me a kiss and she is off to soccer.

The door closes… and his eyes pop open like a scene from the worst horror movie ever. He lies there staring at me with me staring back in fear, because we have both been here before. We stare at each other briefly, both of us well aware that we are about to partake in a battle of wills, one that we both know I am going to lose.

He stares at me without expression, put his finger in his mouth like Dr. Evil, and I am well aware of what he is thinking; Oh, you again, I thought I broke you last week. So you want more do ya?

Now I try to avoid his wrath at all costs. I pick him up sing him songs, change his diaper, thinking a clean ass may win him over and it appears to…momentarily, I lay him down on his mat, because he seems to love tummy time every other time we give it to him.

Today is not every other day, why? His mom has left him and he is not impressed. He starts off with some grunts and groans letting me know that he is not into this mat business. So next we move to the exer-saucer and right off the bat we have moved into a solid cry, not the worst cry but enough that we are clear he is not happy in the exer-saucer.

Now that we have established that he is not going to let me off with the simple games and happy times that usually satisfies him. I attempt to sooth his crying with a little bottled breast milk. Now, he is furious that I have tried to pawn this plastic nipple off as the real thing. This is where our relationship and overall friendship takes a turn for the worse.

We are now about 30 minutes into our hour-and-a-half together and he has completely let loose on me. The screams that are coming out of this kid are so intense that he begins to choke on air and start coughing, moving right back into his furry without even missing a beat. Crying so hard that he farts and creates a mudslide in his diaper, which I immediately change because I would like him to know that his happiness is my main priority…He could care less.

With his furry unrelenting and picking up steam, I move to old faithful, a walk in the stroller. My thought process an hour into our time together is that he always passes out in the stroller he loves napping while I walk around the neighbourhood. So I get him in the stroller, his screaming still escalating, face beat red, sweating and only my pride stopping me from bursting into tears in frustration, but its ok I will persevere.

We get outside and I know all I need is for him to fall asleep. My wife will be home in 35 to 45 minutes and everything will be good. We get outside its nice a slight breeze blowing, the sun setting, he is tucked in with his little blanket and the hood on stroller pulled over providing him with just enough shade and darkness to drift off into beautiful baby dreams.

We get up to the top of the block and the screaming stops, finally. I don’t dare stop not for nothing; I make my way around the block a couple of times without hearing a sound. It seems safe to make my way home, I get to the building still not a sound, I get inside, pull the hood back expecting a sleeping baby, instead there he is staring at me and picks up right where we left off…Back outside for a couple more laps.

My wife comes home and there he is my smiling baby, all hugs, kisses and happy noises. He eats, takes a nap and wakes up and plays. I am left sitting on the couch just trying to figure out why he hates me so much (laugh).

I don’t know why he does this to me but I do know that when the door closes next week and his little eyes pop open, he will see my face there again ready to spend time together. Every day, week, month and year for the rest of his life he will look around and see me there ready to spend time with him.

  1. Jwls says:

    LMAO! Murphy’s law Jay!! Great article bud!!

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