Unconditional Love

Grandma’s: Tangible Angels!

Downtown Toronto: I Love My City

 

 

The title says everything that there is to say! I really do love the city

My Son’s Birth: Easily The Best Day Of My Life

By Jason Sutcliffe

The first five months of fatherhood have been a wild and amazing ride. The day he was born was crazy; my son’s heart rate was going up and down and within minutes the doctors had decided that they had to do an emergency c-section. I had never been so scared in my life—ever, for both my wife and my son.

It took a lot for me to remain composed while all the mayhem was going on inside the operating room. I sat holding my wife’s hand re-assuring her that everything would be ok. Even though I was fighting with everything I had in me not to break down, because I was unsure if what I was telling her was the truth.

After about fifteen or twenty minutes I heard a little cry, it was that cry that flushed all of my worry away because I knew that everything was ok. There he was being held up in the air like an angel, like the doctor was showing god some of his best work. About two minutes after that I was being called over to cut the umbilical cord.

I couldn’t stop staring at my little guy he was so perfect. I remember counting his fingers, toes, I made sure everything was where it was supposed to be and then my eyes welled up and I introduced myself to him as his dad—what a feeling that was!

Because my wife had a c-section I got the honour of holding him first and it is something I will never forget as long as I live; he was all wrapped up and had his little toque on. He was the most perfect thing I had ever seen. I remember thinking; wow, I can’t believe I helped make something so perfect.

I sat next to my wife’s face with our little guy, and both of us cried. I have never been so happy in my life. Nothing has ever brought me the kind of joy I felt in that moment. Right then and there I was in love! I made him a promise as I sat there with him in my arms that no matter what ever happened in life that I would be there for him. I don’t think I have ever meant anything as much as I meant that promise.

Holding him in my arms and looking at his little tiny face and seeing so many of my features; his big full lips, and huge nostrils (laugh), and then to see that he had his moms big beautiful blue eyes that I love so much. He was the perfect mix of the both of us. There was nothing that I would have changed he was so perfect.

There are going to be a lot of great moments over the course of my life but I am fairly certain that not a single one of them will even come close to being as good a moment as when I saw my son’s little face for the first time, and held his little body in my arms when he was just minutes old. That was easily the greatest experience I have ever had by a country mile.

I feel so blessed that I have been granted the opportunity to be a father and a dad to the greatest little man a guy could ask for.

So, Your Back Again Eh Dad!

By Jason Sutcliffe

My wife and I have a 4-½ month old son named Jaxen and nothing makes me happier then when I get to spend time with him. My wife coaches kids soccer and has a practice and a game every week, and during this time I have the pleasure of spending a little alone time with my boy. I appreciate this time very much, but I cannot say the same for him.

He is so angelic in the hours and minutes leading up to our time together; he laughs and smiles, playing around in his exer-saucer and then my wife feeds him after 10 or 15 minutes he falls asleep, she kisses him on the head, and lies him down for a nap, he looks so peaceful, my wife gives me a kiss and she is off to soccer.

The door closes… and his eyes pop open like a scene from the worst horror movie ever. He lies there staring at me with me staring back in fear, because we have both been here before. We stare at each other briefly, both of us well aware that we are about to partake in a battle of wills, one that we both know I am going to lose.

He stares at me without expression, put his finger in his mouth like Dr. Evil, and I am well aware of what he is thinking; Oh, you again, I thought I broke you last week. So you want more do ya?

Now I try to avoid his wrath at all costs. I pick him up sing him songs, change his diaper, thinking a clean ass may win him over and it appears to…momentarily, I lay him down on his mat, because he seems to love tummy time every other time we give it to him.

Today is not every other day, why? His mom has left him and he is not impressed. He starts off with some grunts and groans letting me know that he is not into this mat business. So next we move to the exer-saucer and right off the bat we have moved into a solid cry, not the worst cry but enough that we are clear he is not happy in the exer-saucer.

Now that we have established that he is not going to let me off with the simple games and happy times that usually satisfies him. I attempt to sooth his crying with a little bottled breast milk. Now, he is furious that I have tried to pawn this plastic nipple off as the real thing. This is where our relationship and overall friendship takes a turn for the worse.

We are now about 30 minutes into our hour-and-a-half together and he has completely let loose on me. The screams that are coming out of this kid are so intense that he begins to choke on air and start coughing, moving right back into his furry without even missing a beat. Crying so hard that he farts and creates a mudslide in his diaper, which I immediately change because I would like him to know that his happiness is my main priority…He could care less.

With his furry unrelenting and picking up steam, I move to old faithful, a walk in the stroller. My thought process an hour into our time together is that he always passes out in the stroller he loves napping while I walk around the neighbourhood. So I get him in the stroller, his screaming still escalating, face beat red, sweating and only my pride stopping me from bursting into tears in frustration, but its ok I will persevere.

We get outside and I know all I need is for him to fall asleep. My wife will be home in 35 to 45 minutes and everything will be good. We get outside its nice a slight breeze blowing, the sun setting, he is tucked in with his little blanket and the hood on stroller pulled over providing him with just enough shade and darkness to drift off into beautiful baby dreams.

We get up to the top of the block and the screaming stops, finally. I don’t dare stop not for nothing; I make my way around the block a couple of times without hearing a sound. It seems safe to make my way home, I get to the building still not a sound, I get inside, pull the hood back expecting a sleeping baby, instead there he is staring at me and picks up right where we left off…Back outside for a couple more laps.

My wife comes home and there he is my smiling baby, all hugs, kisses and happy noises. He eats, takes a nap and wakes up and plays. I am left sitting on the couch just trying to figure out why he hates me so much (laugh).

I don’t know why he does this to me but I do know that when the door closes next week and his little eyes pop open, he will see my face there again ready to spend time together. Every day, week, month and year for the rest of his life he will look around and see me there ready to spend time with him.

Don’t Abandon Your Kids, You Made Em, So Raise Em

By Jason Sutcliffe

There are some things I have a really hard time understanding. Mainly, how anyone can walk away from his or her kids. Especially since I have recently had a child. Now, I myself just became a father 4 months ago, but have been an important part of my oldest nephew’s life for a long time now.

He is almost 9 and I have coached all of his soccer teams from the time he was 4 years old, been there to give him advice when he was dealing with bullies, tease him and talk to him about girls, take him to professional sports games, teach him how to skip rocks and all kinds of other things that a Dad is supposed to do.

I don’t want anyone reading this to misunderstand, I am not looking for any sort of praise, or “way to go Jay, that is great” because I am more than happy to do it and will continue to do it for as long as he wants and needs me to. I enjoy doing things with him.

Now here is where we get to the point of this paper. We as adult men and women have an obligation to take care of the kids that we make. They need us if they are to grow up mentally and emotionally stable. We owe them our time at the very least. You don’t have money or don’t give any to the mother or father, that is shitty but the child doesn’t have to know that. Time is free! There is no excuse for not having time for your child.

I have watched my nephew struggle to except that his father, not Dad, you have to earn that but father lives but ten minutes from him and hasn’t seen him in almost a year and hasn’t called since his birthday in January. I am not sure if adults understand what that does to a young child, but it is terrible. I have spent countless hours talking with him and trying to help him understand that none of that is his fault.

Here is how I feel about it. If you abandon or walk out on your children, negating all responsibility and taking the easy road, you may in some twisted version of reality see some sort of selfish, disturbing benefit well you are young and out partying, not having to worry about your responsibilities, but when you are old and sick and you will be because no one ever died from being too healthy, you are going to be one lonely person. Dying alone somewhere with a whole slew of regret.

There are too many young kids growing up in this day and age who have a parent or parents, which are absent in their lives, and it is a damn shame. It isn’t just men who are absent anymore either, I know a women who has 4 children, has custody of none and sees them rarely to be generous.

We need to step up and do what we are supposed to as parents and grown-ups to provide young people with the easiest and healthiest up-bringing possible. They deserve that every kid deserves that.

Now, there is a good possibility that the two examples that I have used in this blog are at some point in the near future going to read this, and I couldn’t care less if they do. If they do I hope their immediate feeling is shame and disgust in them selves. Also if you take offence to what I have said in this blog then you are probably guilty of this type of behaviour, and again I couldn’t care less.

If you are a person who has done what you are supposed to do, good on ya for caring about your kids. I don’t think we deserve praise for it because it is what we are supposed to do, but good on ya.